Canada Douche

"Commemorating all you douchebags."
Send pictures to canadadouche@gmail.com.

Anonymous asked: I just wanted to share that at my high school registration in AUGUST I saw like 3 people show up in canada douche.

Looks like 3 years after this blog’s inception people are douchier than ever!

Anonymous asked: omg my school is the centre of Canada Douche

Anonymous asked: I have a red Snow Mantra, and finally figured out why I was getting funny looks when I went to Calgary. If I ever come down to balmy Ontario, it will be douche-crushing time. I'll even bring a needle and thread and sew their douchepatches to their arms.

The Canada Doucheist School is…

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University of Toronto!

Was there really any doubt? There were a lot of responses but none were as passionate and hilarious as U of T’s. Here are just a few of the reasons:

1. Literally birds of the same feather flock together, walk incredibly slow, and block the sidewalk so you have to push through to get ahead.

2. They wear the jacket, drink Starbucks exclusively, use only the latest Apple products, and still complain that tuition is too high.

3. Even though the many different groups vary in ethnic backgrounds, they all appear to speak the same bird-oriented language used to give themselves a sense of entitlement upon ownership of the jacket.

4. Some of those jackets are REALLY dirty. Like grade-schooler-rolling-on-mud-at-recess-dirty. But you know, its CG, were supposed to not care how dirty they are or not show any sign of displeasure when those jackets get too close.

5. Sometimes you see the hood and the fur thing stuck out (I don’t really know how to phrase this…) and people are not able to see in front of them. What this does, is cause the person to walk while only looking down, meaning everyone else on the street has to accommodate for this one idiot.

6. U of T is for the most part not socially friendly should you choose not to engage. That’s fine, its like that way for most of life I’d presume (no effort, no gain). However, when people buy the jackets to try to assimilate into groups or find friends (sadly I’ve seen this) that’s when you realize how anti-social some of these coyote killers are.

Other schools being considered as the Doucheist were York and Ryerson but a lot of their reasons were simply, “because there are a lot of them.” Well let’s look at some statistics from a 2011 study that calculated the number of full-time students:

McMaster - 21,900

OCAD - 3,200

Ryerson - 19,400

University of Toronto - 57,400

University o Waterloo - 22,400

York University - 42,000

As you can see, U of T’s number of students trumps the competition. Its higher number of students presents a higher plausibility of Canada Douchery. Furthermore, I tried to look into what schools have the most debt but realistically the average students finishes school with an average of $28,000 in debt, which takes an average of 14 years to pay off if you have a starting salary of $39,000 a year. But in case you’re wondering, here is the average tuition per year for the schools mentioned above:

McMaster - $5,544 - $5,624

OCAD - $5,490 - $5,650

Ryerson - $5,605 - $5,686

University of Toronto - $5,613 - $5,943

University of Waterloo - $5,628 - $6,954

York - $5,558 - $5,693

So there you have it! University of Toronto should be named as a tourist attraction for 2013 due to the amount of Canada Douches flocking around. We’re signing off for Spring and Summer but aren’t too sure if we’ll be back next season. We shall see. Anyways, thanks for all the love and laughs and NEVER STOP MAKING FUN OF CANADA DOUCHES! 

Anonymous asked: I just want to comment on how I hate how I can't see the board during lectures because people in front of me are wearing these big-ass jackets.

Anonymous asked: where can I purchase that raptors jacket you have?

Ebay.

Or flea markets, whatever works for you!

Reader Submitted Douche

Remember, you’re only hurting yourself when you wear a Canada Douche jacket in a club.

Do girls think it’s sexy when guys wear their jacket in the club?

Anonymous asked: you guys are the fucking greatest.

Canada Douche Contest

We always get people saying, “omg my school is the centre of Canada Douche.” And from our experience, we’ve witnessed Canada Douchery in many places so it’s hard to tell.

But since it would be hilarious to actually crown a school “Canada Doucheist,” we’re turning to the readers to help us decide.

Send your reasons or explanations as to why your school is the Canada Doucheist and we’ll tally the results and announce a winner by end of March.

The more reasons per school the better, so tell your friends to send us a message at…

canadadouche@gmail.com

Anonymous asked: Spring is coming soon do you think there will still be douches rocking their gooses or mooses in mid march to the end of april? And what do you think U of T st George is the capital of Canada doucheness?

Yes, there will still be people wearing their douches in March and April - saw it last year. Do we think U of T St.George is the capital of Canada Doucheness?

I really have no idea - I didn’t go to that school.

Tell us why your school is the most Canada Douche and we’ll announce a winner before end of March. Send your blurb to canadadouche@gmail.com.

(since there is no real legal, logical way of deciding, whoever sends the most “reasons” from each school will be ranked higher. For instance, if York has 25 reasonable reasons and U of T has 23, York scores higher. Fair enough?)

Anonymous asked: My mom bought me a nobis knowing I wasn't warm enough with my old jacket. I'm pretty sure my godmother influenced her to cause my mom is kinda cheap and it's rare for her to buy something expensive. xD Also cause her two sons have nobis jackets as well(elder son bought it for them both) P.S I was the one who asked the question about a jacket similar to CG. I also only heard about Nobis this year o:

Well, to be honest, that’s really sweet of your mom to think about you like that and buy something for you so costly. If you dig the jacket and it keeps you warm and you don’t act like a cunt, then you’re good. Or you could also ask your mom for the gift receipt and return it and get something for her.

THAT WOULD BE RAD!

Kijiji Canada Douche

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So check out what this guy has, hold on… hahahahahaha, has to say about his ad:

I have a 4 months old cana goose jacket
The color is tan
Comes with herry Rosen tags and receipt.
Only for 350 
BTW if anyone is interested you can contact me by texting me or you can call me during the weekend when I have minutes.”

  • Way too cool to spell out “Canada.”
  • I’ve never been to Herry Rosen.
  • Call him only on the weekends since he has NO MINUTES during the weekday!! Fuck that shit, everybody call him on the weekday!
  • Source So you guys know this shit isn’t made up.

Oh my god, I need to upload this to my ipod!!!


Definitely a very well written song. Thank you!!!

Anonymous asked: let's all make people search this site so that it shows up on drop down menu on google

As far as I know search engine rankings are affected by quality of content through spiders as opposed to number of hits generated.